When I was 12 years old, I went on my first diet, and from then on I embarked on a dysfunctional relationship with food that included anorexia, extreme fear of gaining weight, and eating fat, obsession with exercise, controlling my appetite, constantly weighing myself and checking in the mirror to make sure i wasn’t putting on weight, and beating myself up constantly because i didn’t think my body was good enough. This story lasted for over 15 years of my life.
With the eating disorders came a long list of health issues like, polycystic ovarian syndrome, hypothyroidism, intense stomach pain, colitis, ibs, constant fatigue, headaches, anemia, inconsistent periods, adrenal fatigue, and even a period of suicidal depression.
I never really had any good professional support to deal with my eating disorders, it was a battle that I fought alone, and the reason it lasted so long was because I didn’t know what the real issue was.
Every nutritionist and personal trainer I worked with told me to limit my calories, to sacrifice, not indulge, and exercise more to get to my “ideal weight”. And so, for over 15 years I used punishing strategies to try to get to the promised happy ending – the “perfect body”
WHAT IT REALLY TAKES
One day I decided that it had been enough, My debilitating health issues made me woke up from the insanity I was living in and I decided to get out of it. I needed to be at peace with myself and my life, and somehow accept and love the body I had. I had decided to Heal Myself.
In my journey I discovered that it wasn’t as easy as wanting to get out of it. It required working at it, working to re-frame my mindset and change my neural pathways because my brain had been conditioned to just think about being thin, counting calories, and controlling food and exercise.
Overcoming and healing from my eating disorder and chaotic relationship with food required awareness, commitment to change, support, tuning in, experimentation with food, patience, a heck of a lot of courage, and the daily practice of new habits. It wasn’t easy, but when you really want to improve, you make it happen, and I made it happen.
During my journey of recovery from anorexia, I came across amazing books, teachers, and mentors. I surrounded myself with the support I needed and even completed a certification in Nutrition and Health. Every single thing I did, helped me move forward.
THE REAL ISSUE
The most important part in healing from anorexia was finding what the real issue was, since I had always thought that the problem was food and my body. In my journey I found out that the real issue was self-hatred. This is the place where I had always avoided going to; the feelings of inadequacy, not good enough, and rejection of myself and my body.
Self-hatred masquerades as many different things like; dysfunctional relationships, dysfunctional careers, self-abuse, eating disorders, weight gain, etc. we often blame our relationships, our jobs, our environment, but the real issue is with ourselves, with who we are as human beings walking on this planet, and our negative obsession with our body.
I used to think that I just needed to be thin, and then everything else was going to be ok in my life. But the problem was that, I was never thin enough in my opinion.
THE BEST REMEDY TO HEAL YOURSELF FROM EATING DISORDERS.
If I could name one thing that ultimately healed my relationship with food and my body for good, it would be self-love. I remember my mom always telling me that all I needed to do was to love myself a little, but I could never even understand those words. It seemed like such a dark place to go to, I avoided going there for years. I was sure that if I achieved the goal of being thin, then I could maybe think about loving myself.
During my journey, I came to the realization that I had to make up for all the years when I didn’t love myself. I had to love myself through the process of healing, and love myself through my pain and suffering. I had to love myself with my 30 pounds I had put on.
Loving and accepting myself with lots of weight on, was a big challenge, but it was the best opportunity to learn to love myself unconditionally. Loving myself with 30 extra pounds on positioned myself to be confident and going where I wanted to go with my body. Loving myself through the challenge was the best strategy to achieve true transformations.
Now I have been able to lose all those 30 pounds without diet, and without strict exercise routines. I drink wine, beer, eat bread, pizza, chocolate, of course not every day but a few times a month, and I enjoy it, I allow myself to be pleasured and then move on. I’d say I eat healthy 80% of the time, and I do it because i truly enjoy healthy foods as well, I like how my body feels when i eat healthy. More importantly I don’t deprive myself, and never go hungry.
A LIFE LESSON
Dealing with anorexia and eating disorders ultimately taught me a lesson of love to myself. Life was asking me to grow and evolve and ultimately it was asking me to learn to love myself. It is very tough to overcome anorexia, because the fear and feelings about food and gaining weight are so real and frightening, the image of yourself is completely distorted from reality, and it doesn’t matter what anyone says, you just can’t hear it.
If you know someone with eating disorders, you probably know how devastating it can be for the person going through that and the people around them. It is hard to see someone depriving themselves from the very thing that is necessary to live; food. It’s hard to see someone literally starving themselves, and suffering in their body.
I certainly suffered in my body for a very long time, but now my life is totally different, and it feels so good to be on the other side.
At the end of the day, i’m glad I had this issue and more importantly that I was able to overcome it. Going through this struggle led me to finding my true passion and purpose in life, something that gets me excited and going every day; helping other struggling with similar issues and showing them a kind, sustainable, and loving way to overcome weight, food and health issues for good.
Are you ready to step into your power and stop letting food, exercise and your body dictate your life? What are you waiting for? START HERE